About Ellen.

Tony, that was not funny. You had people believe that I called you in Ankeny?

Tony: Earlier in the blog, I talked to my triplet daughters while they were in the womb underwater, I didn't think anyone would believe that I was really hearing back from them so I didn't think anyone would believe I would hear back from you.
Ellen: Are you taking a shot at my role as Dory?
Tony: No, I thought you were great as Dory. Didn't you win an Emmy?

Dory.

Ellen: No, my thirteen Emmys are for television, I won a best supporting actress Saturn Award for that.You realize you'll never get on the show now. I would have totally flown you all down on the private jet so Brielle could have plugged in her oxygen.

What could have been.

Tony: I think you're trying to make me feel bad. It's not like I said anything about Portia or Anne!
Ellen: Are you attracted to Portia? Do I need to call Mindy about this?

Portia

Tony: I'm perfectly fine with all that.
Ellen: All what, exactly? I am having trouble hearing you, it sounds like you've dug yourself a very deep hole and you are far, far away.  Let's change the subject and talk about the kind of people that do get on my show.
Tony: It said teachers, I'm a teacher.
Ellen: It says on the website, and I quote:
Do you know an amazing person who could use Ellen's help? Maybe it's a person who always puts your needs before their own, someone who keeps a positive attitude through tough times, or a neighbor who has changed your community, or a teacher who goes above and beyond. Does this person deserve a vacation, a car, or a call from Ellen?

Ellen: Do you always put Mindy's needs ahead of yours.
Tony: Well, not exactly.

Ellen: Do you have a positive attitude through tough times like your wife Mindy?
Tony: A bit half-empty in my glass.

Ellen: Have you changed your community as a pharmacist, like Mindy? 
Tony: I don't leave the house much.

Ellen: Are you a teacher that goes above and beyond?
Tony: Yes, I try.

Ellen: What, are you Yoda? Do or do not. There is no try. So, in your expert opinion, Toe-Knee, do you deserve a vacation, a car or a call from Ellen?
Tony: Probably not, but my wife is all of those things. Can you call her?

Ellen: I might call her and tell her what I think of your shenanigans.

Tony: Well, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I've got 4 girls mad at me now.

Daddy, I lost my lunch after I heard.

I for one am shocked. Can someone put a pillow under my feet, I can't touch the carpet.

Is Dad sleeping on the couch again?